Detachable legs would make it much easier fly these days. There’s no leg room anymore. On my last flight, I had an aisle seat, which is great as these seats give you just a bit more room to stretch your legs. Just know the evil flight attendant intends to smash your knee with the food cart. It’s happened to me…several times. Ouch!. If you have fragile knees, get a window seat.
When I get to my row, there’s a couple with an infant baby sitting there. I think, oh no! That baby is going to scream the entire flight!!. The dad is actually sitting in my seat but has no issue moving over. So far, not too horrible, yet. I thought I was going to sit next to the large woman with the scared little dog.
Check your pockets
I was behind her in security and she kept setting off the X Ray machine. Over and over again. She must have tried to go through 17 times. I‘m surprised TSA didn’t take her away. She kept yelling, “I have no metal and I’m not taking off my bra!” Turns out she had a cell phone on her the entire time. THE MOST OBVIOUS THING THAT’S SETTING OFF THE X RAY MACHINE! You think the problem might be your bra, lady?! How much metal do you think is in your bra!? Of course she had no idea the cell phone was setting off the alarm. That’s who I normally sit next to, the most clueless people on God’s green Earth. Instead I got the parents with the infant. Awesome.
No leg room
As soon as I sat down, a linebacker size fella sat down in front of me…sat down hard…and nearly broke my knee caps. As I said and anyone who flies knows, there’s no leg room on airplanes in economy. I guess I should’ve checked my legs. He joked with his buddy about how much alcohol they’ll be drinking in Miami and then tried to jam his bag UNDER his seat…where my feet were. This scholar either didn’t know you’re supposed to put your bag under the seat IN FRONT of you OR he just wanted room for his giant feet and didn’t care where mine would end up. It’s ok because I kicked his bag nonchalantly but firmly out of my feet area. When he looked back with the “what the hell” expression in his eyes, I made it look like I was confused by whatever the hell was going on by my feet. That seemed to work with the genius linebacker.
Push and Twist
All while that was happening, the dad next to me was speaking to possibly THE most clueless person on the planet. Dad said about 42 times, “you push the round button and twist it. Yes, no, no, you push the round button…and then you twist it. Do you see it? The round button? Yes, push the round button and twist it”. I don’t know what he was talking about but I know one thing. The rocket scientist he was talking to, simply did not know how to push a button or did not know how to twist. 20 minutes later, the dad hung up the phone with Einstein and cursed.
When they closed the doors, the dad’s phone rang, which isn’t supposed to happen if it was properly set to Airplane mode. I kept hoping his cell phone wasn’t negatively impacting the airplane’s controls. Just as I think to myself, at least that infant is pretty quiet, I hear another screaming baby behind me and also a high pitched bark from that scared little dog. This is going to be a long flight….